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Joke of the Day

"Knock Knock Who's there? Heisenberg Heisenberg who? I am the one who knocks *I'm bracing for a lot of downvotes*"

"I've met some real pricks in my time but you my friend are the f*cking cactus."

"What did the man do after being found guilty of sabotaging the moonmission? He Apollo-gized."

"""How did the Russians help Donald Trump win the election?"" They made the Democrats deliver on their promises of transparency."

"What did Tom hanks do in the woods? He took a forrest dump."

"The reason why Scientology can't be a religion? There are no 1,000,000 people that died because of Scientology."

"How many meateaters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they would rather stay in the dark"

"What is the sexiest pair of lingerie? Your mother's thigh highs and a Freudian slip."

"My wife's online shopping downstairs so I'm upstairs logged on to the same site and deleting everything in her cart."

"I'm not a fan of stupid conspiracy theories, but I'm fully aware that Governments slow down time on weekdays & speed it up on weekends."