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Joke of the Day

"My doctor diagnosed me with incompetence and constipation... But I really don't give a shit"

"I'm meeting a man I really like for drinks. If I play my cards right, he'll be deleting my number in a few hours."

"At first I didn't like my new haircut ... but now it's growing on me."

"I saw a Sword-Swallowing act on TV and it said 'Don't try this at home'. So I went to the park and tried it. Still fucking hurt myself."

"What do you call a black man on the moon? *An Astronaut*"

"You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you."

"Pro Tip: wash your hands after you shake mine"

"The Pythagorean Theorem, Newton's Third Law and Bernoulli's Principle walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""I'm not going to get this joke aren't I?"""

"Did you hear they are trucking tons of coal to Mt. Rushmore? There going to add Obama."

"Latest election news: Donald Trump narrowly leads Hillary Clinton by 4 lies."