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Joke of the Day

"Hang on guys. My boyfriend told me not to be anxious, so I expect to feel better any moment."

"Saw a really stunning cute girl in Thailand on the bus, couldn't stop looking. I thought ""please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner..."" But she did."

"My wife's fanny smells like roses.. But rose's is tighter."

"Cereal, you need milk more than milk needs you. Just being real."

"A girl at my high school got kicked out of the Future Farmers of America (FFA)... She couldn't keep her calves together."

"Why did the skeleton not go to his prom? he had noBODY to go with."

"Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame... ...I don't know about all that, but I did shower after I came."

"I don't care how funny you are, if I don't like you, I won't laugh."

"How do you know if someone is a vegetarian? He is going to tell you."

"Water leak. No water for 2 days. Then the plumber cut the cable line. No internet. No TV. 2 stinky teenagers. Send wine and bail money."