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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a small fortune in the movie industry? You spend a large fortune *ba dum tiss*"

"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor."

"Jeffrey Dahmer was HOT. He had the body of a much younger man."

"What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb? You can unscrew the light bulb. - Steve Martin, ""My Blue Heaven"""

"So I got rid of my gym membership... just didn't work out "

"If i could have any super power, i'd pick the ability to lure kids into my truck without giving them candy i spent my hard earned money on."

"If God were a guitar chord, what would he be? Gsus"

"Why is the Joker's makeup like a whitewashed tomb, his lips like torn paper, his eyes like burning suns? Because when he was young, the Joker's father said ""Let's put a simile on that face!"""

"Dating a redneck The only thing worse than the friend zone is the family zone. But when a redneck says she loves you like a brother, its go time."

"I returned from court to see 'Welcome home dad' hanging over the foyer.. It was a suspended sentence"