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Joke of the Day

"Judging people on Twitter is equivalent to an alcoholic showing up to an AA meeting and making fun of all the other drunks."

"Like most movies. My uncle showed me big things in his trailer."

"How do you pick out the extroverted engineer? He's the one staring at YOUR feet when he talks"

"Take an icecube to the bar, smash it and say: ""Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"""

"Atheists are Popeless romantics."

"Why couldn't the beaver cook his twigs? He only had Non-Stick pans."

"Women are like concrete.. You've gotta keep 'em wet and moving 'til you're done laying it."

"I always make a point to add a 'man' when I say thanks to the pizza delivery guy, so he knows I used to smoke weed and shit."

"What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol? Depends, what is yours?"

"What do you call a cowboy with erectile dysfunction? Clint Southwood"