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Joke of the Day

"Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So they can park in the handicapped spot."

"Had phone sex then I got hearing aids. EDIT: then"

"(Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.) Text: Hey what are you up to?"

"The Wicked Witch swings a light saber at Obi-Wan just as he throws a water balloon at her. All anyone finds later are piles of clothes."

"I once watched two guys arguing in sign language. Either that, or they were both really bad at martial arts."

"What do you call a barn full of black people? Antique farm equipment. What do you call a barn full of Mexicans? Updated farm equipment"

"Have you seen www.pitchdark.com? Yes but I really couldn't see what all the fuss is about."

"Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her. The dog and I live happily together now."

"A song is being released in aid of the families of the Malaysian Airlines flight... It's Ukraining Men."

"My wife was struggling to open the freezer In the end she gave up, and froze to death."