99042

Joke of the Day

"A song is being released in aid of the families of the Malaysian Airlines flight... It's Ukraining Men."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs. It's really that simple."

"[throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? ""Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-"" *loud knock* ""It's the Roman legion. Open up!"""

"Did you hear about the ghost who learnt to fly? He was pleased to be back on terror-firma."

"What is the difference between a rental car and a Humvee? You can take a rental car anywhere."

"Score! I just landed my summer job for this year - working at the zoo, circumsizing elephants They said the hourly pay isn't great, but the tips are ENORMOUS!"

"I got in a lot of trouble on a date recently because I didn't open the car door for her Instead I just swam up to the surface"

"What did the car said to the valet? I've been through a lot."

"What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships."

"Why did Jimmy get into a horrific car accident? He let God take the wheel Edit: *Jesus.* He let *Jesus* take the wheel"