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Joke of the Day

"""honey why is our water bill so high?"" *water bill sits there holding a bong* hahahah duuuude i don't know man. DORITOS. DO WE HAVE DORITOS?"

"So, my girlfriend won't let me wear my mood ring anymore... ...I'm not really sure how I feel about it"

"Take a day off. Pamper yourself. Visit a spa. Pour melted wax on ur body. Rip the hair out by the roots. Inject poison into ur face. Relax."

"The Germanwings plane was a lot like a small flame used as an ignition source You know, 'cause it was a pilot light"

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Ack, ack, *choke*"

"If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer you're going to jail."

"I have new strategy for getting my wife to have sex with me... When we are in bed I just talk and talk until she has sex with me just to shut me up. I call it filibusting a nut."

"I'm considering going vegan because the steaks are too high"

"Solution to world hunger: food. Boom, done, next problem."

"DAE ever wonder if Andy would be disappointed in OP for not delivering? I went for corny."