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Joke of the Day

"I'm considering going vegan because the steaks are too high"

"My grandma said the Internet has completely ruined people's ability to communicate properly. I told her she didn't know fuck about shit."

"I put the D in Fucking because I know that's what you really want. -autocorrect"

"Just dismissed my low battery warning while watching a p*rn. It's a fight to the finish now."

"My cat sat up from a dead sleep and stared, frantic toward the empty basement laundry room so I guess I'll be buying a new house now."

"What does a 1 eyed, 1 legged, and deaf kid get for Christmas? ...Cancer"

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in a microwave until its Bill Withers"

"Why does Snoop Dogg always carry around an umbrella? Fo drizzle"

"*walks into funeral while playing the mandolin* ""I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?"" *dead guy sits up in casket* No it sounds lovely. Keep going"

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves Free."