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Joke of the Day

"[hanging out w mob] ""Tony sleeps with the fishes"" *they all laugh* [self conscious about my sexual habits w fish]: its not a big deal guys"

"How do you make Hitler cry? Easy just show him his gas bill."

"My wife thinks it's seductive to bite her lip. I haven't the heart to tell her it's supposed to be the bottom one."

"My mate wears the same jacket when he's impersonating either Matt Damon or Hugh Jackman. Maybe he's Bourne with it, maybe it's Wolverine."

"Man.. These croutons are the best thing since dried bread!"

"Tomato basil soup is a fancy way of making people drink pizza sauce."

"What do bunnies do when they get married? Go on a bunnymoon"

"Damn Girl, did you just get in a water balloon fight or are you happy to see me?"

"I can't be the only one worried about where spiders go in winter."

"*walks up to IKEA return counter *rips receipt into tiny pieces *tells the clerk to put it together himself"