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Joke of the Day

"What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza? Little Caesars. ...I'll see myself out."

"i made the mistake of watching a single zit popping video on youtube and now my recommendations screen is trying to make me barf"

"What's big and gray and comes in quarts? An elephant"

"How much does wood cost? About tree fiddy."

"I am much less afraid of jail when I'm drunk."

"DMX is in jail Because X didn't give it to them."

"Why are these Facebook status updates so much more interesting than usual? Oh, because this isn't Facebook - it's a mattress label. My bad."

"What should you do if you're cold? Stand in a corner. They're usually 90 degrees."

"Remember that time Joe Biden succeeded the previous vice president? That was a dick move."

"Last night, my Chevy was bitten by a vampire. Now it's Vlad the Impala."