209889

Joke of the Day

"ME: honey, just tap me on the arm tonight if you think I've gotten too drunk WIFE: I've been tapping your arm for the last 2 hours"

"I knew the guy who invented the clothes iron. Unfortunately, he died from being ironed on the face. I still remember the iron-y smell of his blood."

"Why Do Mathematicians Never Go To The Beach? Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan."

"*handshake* wow, soft hands! u must've never worked a day in ur life [coming off a 9 hour shift at the Vaseline factory] ""u dont know me."""

"I don't call photos of myself ""selfies"". I call photos that include anyone else ""otheries""."

"Chuck Norris Joke. Why does Mona Lisa smiling? The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live."

"what does past, present, and future have in common? ...... tense"

"Sometimes my sense of humour is so dark... ... It picks cotton"

"Me: We don't have any more Girl Scout cookies and now I'm sad. Wife: I get sad, too. Like when I think about being married to a 40yo baby"

"What do you call a Greek arsonist? A "