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Joke of the Day

"Why did the monster dye her hair yellow? To see if blondes have more fun."

"What do you call it when 2 homosexuals stare into eachother's eyes? A gaze."

"What's the difference between your boyfriend and whipped cream? The cream"

"Why did Thor not invite many people to his brother's wedding? Because it was Low key"

"My wife yelled, ""This is the LAST TIME I'm going to tell you to take out the trash"", and I thought, thank goodness THAT is finally over."

"Why did the zombie cross the road? To get his guts back. My three year old made that one up, I though it was pretty good :)"

"ISIS is not Global Warming... I heard Pratt & Whitney were United tonight. God bless you both!"

"Why do people love their smartphones so much? Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)"

"Tombstones should just say how old the person was. I don't wanna walk around doing grave math."

"How do you fit 3 babies in a bowl? Blender. How do you get them out? Chips."