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Joke of the Day
"Twitter's still doing that thing where I'm not funny."
Next Joke
"So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid... but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants."
"When you wave your hand under automatic soap dispenser for 45 seconds and nothing, then it dispenses the minute you switch to the next one."
"Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience."
"How do you fix a deaf car? With an engin*eer.*"
"Me: ""Excuse me, hi"" Her: ""Um, I have a boyfriend"" Me: ""Good for you. I was trying to say your herpes cream fell out of your purse"""
"My college bar had a ""Blow your GPA"" drink special night until all the Asian students died..."
"Son: ""Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"" Mom: *staring at dad Dad: ...*clenches fists Mom: ...don't! Dad: *sweats profusely Mom: Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter"
"How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women? Shaven, not furred"
"What question must always be answered ""Yes""? ""What does Y-E-S spell?"""