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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a crazy professor? an academia nut"

"If I ever met an exact duplicate of myself I wouldn't hang out with him. I'm too cool for that fucking nerd"

"I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward it installs NT 4.0!"

"My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates."

"Prognosis? Doctors are reporting that a man was admitted to the hospital last week and found to have at least a dozen plastic horses inserted in his rectum. His condition is ""stable""."

"I kinda want one of those priest collar thingys. If it gets me through airport security fast AND keeps kids away from me. I'm in."

"[Lizard Enterprises HQ] Lizard Boss: Um excuse me, do you work here? Snake balancing on 4 toothpicks (nervously): Uh yessir why do you ask?"

"What's the difference between a Genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up your family bush."

"WHO LET THE CATS OUT? Mew. Mew. Mew. Mew. WHO LET THE CATS OUT? Mew. Mew. MRRROOW! HSSSSS! MRRROOW! HSSSSS! FUCK! HE'S AN INSIDE CAT!"

"Hey girl, do you like bad boys? *tries to look cool by flicking my cig, but it's an e-cig so I have to run and get it*"