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Joke of the Day

"Made this up two days ago: What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him? I have Grey Poupon me"

"if you told 18 year old me that in 10 years i'd be thinkin about harriet tubman on 4/20 instead of weed, i'd have said ""whos harriet tubman"""

"I'm Mexican and Filipino. No matter how you look at me, I'm good at cleaning."

"Yes, how much for the baby jacuzzi? Ma'am, that's a crockpot."

"Anyone who feels bad about dumping a huge national debt on the next generation hasn't spent a lot of time around teenagers."

"Nothing is more terrifying than putting back a shirt without folding it and then making eye contact with the shopping assistant."

"A knock on the door... Hello, my name is Forbertus. I m here to fuck your daughter. Dad: For what????!!!!! Forbertus"

"[phone w/ fiance] Hey, I can still pick whatever suit I like for the wedding right? ""As long as its black, why?"" *wearing batsuit* No reason"

"What is black, autist and takes about 9 months to grow. Non of your concern."

"Pizza Hut Employee: I'm sorry but we don't deliver bog grass. I'm not even sure what that is. Moose: [incoherent bellowing]"