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Joke of the Day
"What's 2 + Blink 182 46"
Next Joke
"*quits Twitter to spend time with family* *remembers what family is like* *quits family for Twitter*"
"I went to the Optometrists to buy some glasses the other day, you'll never guess who I ran into... Everyone."
"Advice to the worm Sleep in late!"
"I was left alone for 3 hours and I almost cut my hand off trying to open a banana."
"The only thing grosser than finding a hair in your Velveeta cheese is knowing the ingredients inside Velveeta cheese & continuing to eat it."
"Subway calling their employees sandwich artists must really piss off people who actually paint sandwiches for a living."
"Old Testament: Death, plagues, vengeance New Testament: Forgiveness, love, wants you to call home Having a kid really mellowed God out."
"If you laid all the lawyers in the world head to foot around the Equator then... Hey come to think of it that's not a bad idea."
"Q: What's blue and smells like red paint? A: Blue paint."