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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's blue and smells like red paint? A: Blue paint."

"What did the doughnut say to the cop? Don't glaze me, bro"

"did Darwin predict butterflies would then evolve into tattoos?"

"Why didn't The African go to the classical music event? He was a baroque ass' negro"

"Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird? Tequila, I'm looking at you."

"I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months I don't like to interrupt her."

"Customer: Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials? Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special."

"*[At the dinner table]* ""No grandma, those aren't knitting needles. We're having Chinese food"""

"I've successfully made a time machine Thank you kind stranger for giving me gold"

"So I just got kicked out of the house... All I did was sleep with my stepdad's wife."