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Joke of the Day

"How do you call an unlocked phone ? Married and virgin."

"What's an algebra teachers favorite animal? A grr-affe http://metalinjection.junipconcepts.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Giraffe-Tongue-Orchestra.jpg?1fed28"

"Procrastination is just like Masturbation It's fun while you're doing it until you realize all you did was fuck yourself."

"Did you hear about the constipated chancellor? He couldn't budge it :P"

"jesus could get on twitter and be like ""fear not, child. i know for a fact that your going to heaven!"" and someone would be like ""you're""."

"My wife said she for Lent she was giving up eating meat. I thought she did that after the wedding vows."

"I met a Muslim man who said he had the Qur'an on DVD. The trouble started when I asked him to burn a copy for me."

"The only double penetrating I'll ever do is eating the double stuff Oreo I just dropped into my coffee."

"'babe, i'm ready' -says my wife, from the bedroom 'be right there' -i say from the bathroom, trying furiously to untangle my yo-yo string"

"What does a snail riding on a turtles back say? WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"