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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she for Lent she was giving up eating meat. I thought she did that after the wedding vows."

"[job interview] ""So we'll call you & let you know. Do you have any questions?"" Yes, can you text me instead to let me know?"

"What do you call a slutty housewife? A dirty dishwasher."

"How many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2 but how they got in the light bulb I will never know"

"Who's got two thumbs and might be doing this police lineup wrong?"

"Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN? A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it's SHOWTIME!!!"

"Like the man who has run out kleenexes... this is bound to come in handy!"

"I always sleep with a bed under my pillow, just in case"

"God I hate Mayweather it was like 90 degrees yesterday"

"I was reading in the paper today about a midget that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?"