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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between snow tires and black people? The snow tires still work when you take the chains off."

"""Okay--don't get cancer."" (My response to ""Have a safe flight."")"

"I just found out that they offer college courses on how to be a janitor... Apparently it's some pretty tough shit."

"I'm finally going to do something about my alcoholism I'm going to pour out all the booze in my house. One shot at a time."

"Evening commute One inch of snow will do this to you in DC"

"I'm not letting anyone into my head until I've cleaned up the place."

"Movie idea: A drunk passes out next to Picasso. He wakes up to find a drawing of a dick on his face worth $1 million. Does he wash it off?"

"What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? One doesn't cry sexism when you fire it."

"Why did the police arrest the sidewalk sidewalk? It always had some sort of weed on it!"

"What did the math major say to himself when he discovered that he was no longer a sapling? Gee, I'm a tree."