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Joke of the Day

"I bet all three Pigs had a great education, but the Pig that lived in the straw house probably had a ponytail and a neck tattoo."

"Kim Davis says war has been declared on traditional marriage. Still unclear is which of her four marriages is under attack."

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And rape. Also, the dark. And being buried alive. Mondays. Most people, too. (and insects)"

"Why does Snoop Dog always smile like he knows something you don't? Because he's been snooping around."

"Astronauts are the only people who followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up."

"I'm not sexist. Sexism is wrong. ...and being wrong is for women!"

"""Oh, he's so immature."" - boring people talking about fun people"

"Happiness won't just walk into your life on its own. But neither will unhappiness. So if you don't want trouble in your life... then you'd best stay still and never move a muscle."

"[first day as funeral director] this is the dress she wants to be buried in ""It's very pretty but we highly suggest a coffin"""

"Why did Susie fall of the swing set? Because she had no arms."