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Joke of the Day

"If I'm murdered, I hope I'm able to write out the killer's name in blood and then ""sucks"" underneath"

"My apartment looks like a Sims house before you figure out the cheat code for unlimited money."

"In the style of Mitch Hedberg. I don't like fish eggs on my sushi... ...because I'm against abortion"

"A man walks up to an attractive lady... A man walks up to an attractive lady and explains, ""They say that 160,000 people are having sex right now. Want to make that 160,002?"""

"My friend told me what the Mile High Club was the other day But honestly, I don't give a flying fuck."

"Q: What kind of bees make milk? A: Boo-Bees"

"Why is the set including the square root of 5 and the square root of 4 similar to the set including anarchism and authoritarianism? They are both unlike radicals."

"Why doesn't Texas float away into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma sucks."

"Now that Scalia, the bullfrog of SCOTUS, has passed away... Can we say he finally croaked?"

"Whats the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!"