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Joke of the Day

"In the style of Mitch Hedberg. I don't like fish eggs on my sushi... ...because I'm against abortion"

"I don't want my wife any longer. Her height is perfect."

"Rabbits... Rabbits bang like there's no fucking tomorrow."

"Did you know you can tell what kind of area you're driving in by the bumps in the road? A few big bumps means you should probably slow down. Lots of little bumps means you're in a school zone."

"I told a waitress she was much prettier without glasses so she set down her tray of drinks."

"What do you call a guy dumped by his Asian girlfriend? Disoriented."

"*tucks an errant lock of my gynecologist's hair behind her ear with my toes*"

"What's the Titanic's Favorite Holiday? Sink-o de Mayo."

"Open your eyes, people! The Three Little Pigs was written by bricklayers."

"I changed my iPhone's name to Titanic. It's syncing now."