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Joke of the Day

"Why should you never date someone with a lazy-eye...? Because you never know if they're seeing someone on the side."

"My friend Billy... My friend Billy, Had an eight foot willy, dragged along the kitchen floor. His girl thought it was a snake, and whacked it with a rake and now it's only three foot four."

"Helen Keller, what color is this dress? ARGGGLLLAGHHHHGAAAAA"

"Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg? Because he always uses a razor."

"Mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. BARTENDER: We dont serve your kind round' here. MUSHROOM: Why not I'm a fun-gai. I'll see my way out, thanks."

"I bet the Americans feel really stupid now. They've spent millions fighting ISIS when all they had to do was change their profile picture."

"""Oh, this one? It's an excuse to tell a story about my life that only I think is interesting"" - literally all tattoos"

"Why did the man clean up after getting a sex change? He felt disorganized."

"[LPT] Choose the song you hate the most as your alarm tone and place your phone as far as possible Then turn your phone off and sleep like a champion."

"There's nothing wrong with being a self-made man... Unless you have an Oedipus complex and a time machine."