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Joke of the Day

"Hey cat, how's about I lick myself for hours then puke where you sleep? Don't answer that. Why do I even talk to you. Stop looking at me."

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"A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake"
"Who was the greatest motherfucker in history? Oedipus."
"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef jerky"
"I love throwing house warming parties But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'."
"The company that makes the Opera browser have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to redesign their logo They want him to make its O."
"HEY OSAMA I FOUND YOUR 72 VIRGINS THEY ARE ALL ON MY TIMELINE TALKING ABOUT STAR WARS"
"""That'll be $147,382."" - The cab driver after taking Will Smith from Philadelphia to Bel Air."
"How do you pick up a girl from Auschwitz..... With a broom and a dustpan."
"I got confused watching highlights from the SAG awards. I always thought they were the 15-year reunions of the AVNs."