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Joke of the Day
"Gay guys are fucking assholes"
Next Joke
"Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they're not looking!"
"Fool me once... Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thirty five thousand six hundred times, shame on the weatherman."
"INTERVIEWER: You put ""summoning demons"" as a special skill? ME: That's right. INTERVIEWER: *sweating profusely* When can you start?"
"ME: This man's robbing me COP: No he's not M: He was doing it a second ago *puts robber's hand on wallet* come on why aren't you robbing now"
"My favorite tree died earlier. Now I have mourning wood."
"My favorite workout is a mix between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch."
"Amazon's Prime Day"
"Your mom doesn't have a nice bone in her body, except for mine."
"Teach a man to build a fire and he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for a lifetime."