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Joke of the Day

"INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: I'm good at untying knots INTERVIEWER: oh thank god can u get these running shoes off of me?"

"Why did the thief take a bath? To get a clean getaway"

"Chuck Norris was bitten by a snake After several day of agonising pain, the snake finally died."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue Because he was drinking coffee before it was cool"

"Sometimes, I drive by the schoolyard and scream ""STOP WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME!"" to white kids playing basketball."

"I have a gun by my bed. So in the event of an intruder, I can shoot myself to avoid having to interact with a human being."

"Boxing is like a dance, a dance where you punch your dance partner until he doesn't want to dance anymore."

"So what's the best part about dead baby jokes? They never get old. *ba dum tss*"

"I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me. She told me she was at the mall with her friend Carrie. Thing is, Carrie was sleeping right next to me!"

"Why don't you go down on a girl in the morning? Have you ever tried to split a grilled cheese?"