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Joke of the Day

"[trailer] Narrator: THIS SUMMER, KEVIN HART Me: oh no Narrator: GUESS WHAT HE'S DOING Me: another cop m- Narrator: ANOTHER COP MOVIE"

"hello poison control. i need some poison asap, my kid is being a real piece of shit. yes i'll hold."

"""This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."""

"Why is it called a ""litter"" of puppies ? Because they mess up the whole house !"

"Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept"

"What Greek tragedy was written by a neckbeard? [Tips fedora] ""M'dea."""

"What animal is best at playing hide and seek? The airplane."

"What does NASCAR stand for? Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)"

"Did you here about the guy who's whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."

"What is juicy on the inside, dry on the outside, and has ""apple"" in it? A roasted baby with an apple in its mouth."