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Joke of the Day

"Congress just passed a bill that makes it legal to murder those friends who respond to a text by calling you."

"Why didn't the airline passenger check his vulture? Because it's a carrion bird."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino Elephino"

"Me: Grandma died, can't work today. Boss: Thought she died last month? Me: This time she is for real dead. We poked her with a stick."

"What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia? A numbskull"

"If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard... That bronze medal would be mine."

"Nothing says 'I dont take you seriously' like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him."

"why do i hear the sounds of toilet flushing? Some shit must be going down"

"They finally replaced the old clock It's about time."

"Never have sex before 20... It can be difficult to perform in front of an audience."