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Joke of the Day

"Math is like my parenting. I do it when I have to, but I'm not great at it."

"What do you call a Canadian in outer space? An Eh-lien!"

"It's ironic how the Segway-driving chinese cameraman plowed into the fastest man alive... ...because he ran into a bolt."

"What's the difference between a beer and a down syndrome kid? If you end up with a badly poured beer you can blow it's head off."

"Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE"

"My dad's better than your dad... Three kids are in an agruement about who's dad is better. ""My dad's a fireman"" said Billy. ""My dad's a marine!"" said Johnny. ""My dad's invisible."" said Brian."

"People ask if I saw any 'Red Flags'... Well, I was an anarcho-capitalist and she was a Hoxhaist..."

"I'm thinking about going on a day trip but I just don't know where to get the LSD"

"Knock-knock Who's there? Howdjalikeablowjob Howdjalikeablowjob who? No, no...the proper answer is ""Why, yes! Thank you."""

"Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence. "