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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cheese that isn't yours? NACHO CHEESE!"

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant"

"My boss was honest with me today as we walked into a bar He's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family."

"Tofu is over rated... It's just a curd to me."

"First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a cop] Her: do you come here often? Me: *shoots unarmed black teen*"

"My dad got fired for having sex with one of his patients the other day. Which is a shame because he was a really good vet."

"Why did Walter White not pay for his pizza? Because it was on the house."

"When she told me I was average, she was just being mean."

"I've already accomplished* so much today *been afraid of a goose"

"Sure laying me down on a ""Bed of Roses"" sounds all romantic and shit, but I much rather lay on a bed of fries and onion rings."