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Joke of the Day
"""You snooze, you lose."" -competitive insomniacs"
Next Joke
"I'm sick and tired of scandals always being named ""-gate"" The only thing about it that consoles me is there's a parallel universe where Watergate Hotel was instead named after John Hancock."
"What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol? My record is 21 years."
"Looks like the heavy bag of sirloins fell off the top shelf, landing on the butchers head, and killing him. Looks like the steaks *shades* were too high. YEAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"
"My blind friend complained I was putting things in his way... He'll get over it."
"Why did the skeleton cross the road? He never crossed the road, he didn't have the guts to do it."
"The US is waking up to news of Brexit 'Vote Leave' win... Bill Clinton leads 'BJ for Prime Minister' calls."
"Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs? because they are very touching"
"In the summer there's only so many clothes you can take off. On that note, please send bail money."
"Horton Hears a who? Horton Hears a what? Horton Hears a huh? Horton hears a chicka chikca chicka chicka slim shady."