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Joke of the Day

"Being a parent is the opposite of the Jenny Craig diet. ""I gained 20lbs & all I did was eat small portions of my toddlers leftover dinner."""

"How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25? Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20."

"Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they're dead."

"A pair of jumper cables goes into a bar After requesting a drink, the bartender says, ""OK... but just don't start anything."""

"Professor, please tell us about discrete physical values in quantum mechanics. Sure, one moment."

"What were Tarzan's last words? WHO GREASED THE VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEEE."

"Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects."

"Pele sees a pretty woman at a bar. He approaches her and says ""You're very pretty. Fancy coming back to my place?"" The woman says ""My, you're a little forward."""

"Knock knock Who's there? An owl An owl who? That's my line!"

"What do you call Adrian Monk when he's angry? Rasputin"