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Joke of the Day

"I got stuck in a shop the other day... ... because when I went to walk outside there was a sign saying the street was closed."

"I dreamt I was in a very magical world where people didn't get butthurt over every little f*cking joke. Weird huh?!?!"

"My friend said my mum was hot. I then punched him and reminded him that we were Americans."

"Everyone is an atheist until you zip your fly up too quick Then its all Lord Jesus please help"

"Why are the Soviets Russian? Because there's no Stalin."

"What's George Washington's favorite song. Doesn't matter, just as long as it's royalty-free."

"Social butterfly? Nah. I'm more like a social Sasquatch. Some people swear they've seen me, but no one really believes them."

"Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo? They only had 2 vans"

"Two men walked into a bar You'd think at least one of them would've ducked."

"Headed to a funeral. #yolo"