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Joke of the Day
"My friend said my mum was hot. I then punched him and reminded him that we were Americans."
Next Joke
"I could be a morning person. If morning started around noon."
"Who's the coolest guy in the hospital? The ultra-sound guy. [read next comment]"
"Dave drowned So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted. (Gary Delaney)"
"so a native american walks into a fancy restaurant he says to the guy seating people, I have reservations."
"Cat burglar: Quietly steals all your valuables Dog burglar: Eats your ham, sleeps in bed with you for awhile, wakes you up to go out at 3am"
"How many ""friendzoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."
"No one, NO ONE, hates their life more than the dude driving a minivan with the stick figure family decals on the back window."
"How do you milk sheeps? With Apple accessories."
"First Cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night? Second Cannibal: That was no girl that was my supper."