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Joke of the Day

"As a non-US-redditor I don't understand why right-wing gun nuts don't get along better with left-wing SJWs... ...they both seem to love triggers so much."

"""I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby."" Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned ""Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."""

"How do you tittie fuck a flat chested chick? Froggy style. Ribbit ribbit"

"5yo: if superman & batman had a big fight, superman could throw him into space where he'd suffocate'. I'm raising a problem solver you guys."

"My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It's called lunch."

"Why don't you say grace when eating Chinese food? Because they run you over with a tank if you do. Found this on Becker, didn't know if I should put this here or goingtohellforthis"

"I went to a homeless themed fancy dress last night. It was shit.Fcuk all food or drink and we stood outside in the rain all night."

"Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window."

"He can't decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed."

"Did you know the internet was created by egyptians They have a long history of worshiping cats and writing on walls. Inspired by a post on showerthoughts"