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Joke of the Day

"""I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby."" Everyone in Whole Foods stares at me stunned ""Corn-fed organic of course, I'm not a monster."""

"What do a ghost family and the Kardashians have in common? They both have Transparents."

"WIFE: *yells into basement* Our savings account is entirely empty. Do you know what happened? ME: *assembling robot monkey butler* No idea"

"What is it that is yours , but others use it more than you ? Your name"

"99% Indians work on the Principle of Rockets. It doesn't mean we aim for the sky. It means, we don't start work unless our tail is on fire"

"Jesus Never Fails If Jesus was a program, he would never fail. Why? Because he was born in a stable environment."

"I've had second thoughts about masturbation... On one hand, it feels great. On the other hand, you don't feel a thing."

"If a tree falls in the woods it should break into a light jog so it looks like it did it on purpose."

"I call my penis Oscar Pistorius. It only goes inside for a disappointingly short period of time."

"Let's name our sandwich shop after smelly trains."