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Joke of the Day

"OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail"

"How can you spell too much with two letters? XS (excess)."

"If you're heartbroken, remember: There are plenty of fish in the sea. But I'd advise giving mankind another chance first."

"A brunette tells her blonde friend that she can finally say that she's slept with a Brazilian. The blonde looks shocked and says, ""OMG, how many is a Brazilian???"

"Instead of a sign that says ""Do not disturb"" I need one that says ""Already disturbed"""

"Trampolines used to be called jumpolines... Then your mom jumped on one!"

"How many palindromes do I know of? Not a ton"

"Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?"

"If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton ended up in a car crash who would be saved? America"

"How many Passive Aggressive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Oops.I can't believe I broke the last one. I guess you'll have to sit in the dark."