52912

Joke of the Day

"If you're heartbroken, remember: There are plenty of fish in the sea. But I'd advise giving mankind another chance first."

Next Joke
 
"Laying in bed, watching the ceiling fan spin, my thoughts wonder to 1. Who turned the ceiling fan on 2. Why don't I have telekinetic powers"
"Wife's been out of town 96 hrs now & everything's gone to hell. We're all wearing patio furniture tarps & worshiping a boar head on a stick."
"Based on my calculations I can retire about 5 years after I die."
"Barista: ""Welcome to Starbucks!"" Me: ""Large coffee please."" B: ""It's venti!"" Me: ""Then close all the windows after you get my large coffee."""
"I was discussing a trip to Chernobyl with my friend... He said not to go there or else Chernobyl fall off."
"BOUNCER: Sorry, buddy - planets only. PLUTO: I'm on the list. BOUNCER: Nope. *Jurassic World walks in* PLUTO: Oh you cannot be serious."
"A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes."
"""What's the matter with your dinner ?"" ""Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten !"""
"How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone? I dunno, ask the Kids."