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Joke of the Day

"when someone pisses you off start counting down from 10. When you get to 8 punch them in the throat, they will never expect it."

"If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on? The Ex-Men."

"Son: "" Mom, am I ... ugly? "" Mother: "" I told you not to call me Mom in public, now stay away further. """

"Are you on Facebook ? Cos I sure would like to Poke You"

"A talented artist sculpts a dog out of melons. After it looks perfect, he takes a picture of it, then starts eating it. He is suddenly very sad. He was full of *melon-collie*."

"What do you call a green cow in a field? Invisibull."

"I like my women how I like my whiskey....... Age 12 and all mixed up in coke."

"Miley Cyrus has her tongue out more than Jabba the Hutt."

"Why do procrastinators live the longest? Because they die at the last second."

"The Most Hipster Job Of All Time Is... Being a Mortician. Morticians are so hipster that their work doesn't get more popular; instead it just goes further underground."