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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in five years. Come on folks, I'm not going to live that long."

"Did you hear the joke about the guy who shined a light at his shadow? It starts off dark, but the ending is bright."

"Alien: take me to your leader. Me: They all suck. How about I take you to this place I know where you can get amazing mini donuts?"

"A man walks into a restaurant in Mainland China. He calls the waiter over and tells him, 'That steak was rubbery.' 'Thank you for the compriment, sir, and have a rubbery evening!'"

"Started my new job yesterday, and have to go back in today already. THIS IS BULLSHIT."

"I refused to buy my 5yo a tablet, and now she's resorted to hand-drawing angry emojis on pieces of paper to express her frustration."

"The cool thing about shaving all my pubes off is that I get to see exactly what my penis looked like when I was first born."

"My best friend keeps bagging me for being a virgin I haven't got the courage to tell him I slept with his sister."

"Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTILER 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE Did you read..........Spine, Lither, Ginger and Subtext?"

"(Grandpa joke) If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? Bagels. I'll be here all night, people!"