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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally swallowed some thread a few days ago, and passed it out today. I shit you knot."

"The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have."

"It didn't take long for Japan to illustrate Rousey's knockout. See? http://imgur.com/NSLx1SZ EDIT: Link works now."

"At what age do kids stop remembering how often their parents are late picking them up from school because of online poker?"

"What is Donald Trump's favourite song? Another brick in the wall"

"Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes."

"FUN PRANK: Bump into Kanye in public, pretend you don't recognize him, and say ""EXCUSE ME ORDINARY CITIZEN"" Then watch how mad he gets."

"I got second place in a star gazing competition once. The winner got a telescope, but all I got was a constellation prize."

"How to scare burglars off.... First put pictures on the wall of you with a tiger. Second put a cat litter box in your hall and shit in it."

"Girl, you're like my iPhone... I just wanna tap you the night away, without any regards of time."