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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally said HAIL SANTA instead of HAIL SATAN at satanic church today and now everyone is laughing at me and they took away my robes."

"Cop: know y I pulled u over? Wife: to invite me to the state trooper's ball? Cop: state troopers don't have balls Me: BAHAHA Cop: drive safe"

"""I'm so self-conscious"" ""I'm a very private person"" ""I'm the shyest person I know"" *posts 43 selfies a week* - girls on Instagram"

"If McDonalds wants to check my $10 bill for signs of counterfeit, I should be able to check their chicken for chicken."

"James Bond and Money Penny are locked in a trunk... Money Penny: What's that jabbing me in the gluteus maximus? Bond: my PPK? Money Penny: 'K"

"Why does the baker have so many loaves? Because they bred."

"People who walk in front of the theater screen while you're watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude."

"I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10.. He said ""I still love Vista baby!"""

"""Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, I know you're asleep but I just wanted to let you know that I'm like 14 miles away from your house right now!"" -Trains"

"Life is just better when you're laughing."