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Joke of the Day

"James Bond and Money Penny are locked in a trunk... Money Penny: What's that jabbing me in the gluteus maximus? Bond: my PPK? Money Penny: 'K"

"ey girl would you like to unzip my pants http://imgur.com/QCGvrG7"

"Planning a murder/suicide is kind of pessimistic, what if the murder part cheers you up?"

"""Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"" ""Yeah sure"" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away* ""Hey kid...catch"" *kid turns around to see incoming plane*"

"Ok, don't let them know you're a puma Interviewer: We're very impressed! You've got the job! ""REALLY!?! I'M SO HAPPY I JUST PUMA PANTS"""

"Why are executioners so rich? Because they make a killing"

"Hey Guys, I don't have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water."

"I think my girlfriend might be a vegetarian... ...because I've never met a girl like herbivore."

"It's not working out because we like different things. For example, I like quiet evenings at home, and she likes someone else."

"What did a young Pink Panther sing when he was playing with his magnifying glass in the back yard? Dead ant; dead ant; dead ant dead ant dead ant..."