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Joke of the Day

"I play in the band I play the circle, it used to be the triangle but I beat the fuck out of it"

"Catfished I met someone online and traveled to their house to hook-up. Knock on the door and a cute blonde opens. I'm pretty pissed, they looked nothing like the 10 year old boy I spoke to."

"Of course this is my real personality. Who the hell would fake THIS?"

"What does a dog from Minnesota say? Woof da."

"What do termites put on their toast? Door jamb."

"If you drop food on the floor in public, it's proper etiquette to look around and see who noticed before shoving it in your mouth."

"Sorry I yelled, ""HAIL SATAN"" at your baby's baptism."

"I'm worried about my relationship with my anorexic girlfriend... ...I'm seeing less and less of her each day."

"What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him? No hard feelings."

"What does a pirate drink for breakfast? Arrrrange juice."