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Joke of the Day

"""My Friend has got a theory."" ""She reckons that the way to drive a man wild with desire is to nibble on his earlobes for hours on end."" ""I think it's bollocks"" -Jimmy Carr"

"Did you hear about the guy who got his left side cut? He's all right now!"

"My wife tells me my conspiracy theory obsession is getting out of control.. I wonder how much the government paid her to say that."

"The people in horror movies would live a lot longer if they listened to me in the audience."

"The amount of duplicates on this subreddit"

"There should be an option on travel websites that let's you search for ""flights that are least likely to have noisy children""."

"Why does my son Richard like playing in the mud? Because he then becomes filthy Rich."

"""Work fascinates me I can look at it for hours!"""

"Husband: So we've basically given up. Me: On what? H: *gestures to 4yo carefully piling spaghetti on his head*: Parenting."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo ? One is really heavy........ The others a little lighter."