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Joke of the Day

"Thinking about opening a restaurant for breast cancer survivors. It's called Hooter."

"This transition of power reminds me of when my grandma turned over Thanksgiving duties to my mom and the night ended with police showing up."

"So your face, is it permanently like that or are you genuinely surprised every time you take a selfie?"

"Why did the squirrel swim on its back? so it wont get its nuts wet"

"Sorry about the typos lately you gays."

"Did you hear about the guy that went to court over a stolen bag? It was a brief case."

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl use a bathroom? The p is silent."

"What does someone have if they laugh at other people's eyes? Aqueous humour."

"(McDonald's bathroom) *pulls away from kissing* You're better than my mirror at home"

"I'd only marry someone if they seemed like they'd be pretty easygoing during our divorce."