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Joke of the Day

"So your face, is it permanently like that or are you genuinely surprised every time you take a selfie?"

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"OMINOUS CHANTING *pentagram starts to glow* YES! RISE DARK LORD! RISE! *Satan tosses pillow through portal* UNGH 5 MORE MINUTES!!!"
"A wife texts her husband on a cold winters morning... ""Windows frozen"" ...... Husband texts back, ""Pour some luke warm water over it""...... Wife replies, ""Computer completely stuffed now"""
"why did the native family starve? Somebody hid the welfare cheque in a work boot."
"One morning, the CEO of an airline company asked his chief procurement officer: -- So, what's the deal with airline food?"
"My right eye is twitching like it's at some kind of techno dance party that the rest of me wasn't invited to."
"Can people using windows play games online with people with using Mac? Depends on the wifi at Starbucks."
"Police: How did they break in? Me: I have a fake garden rock w/a key inside. Police: They found it? Me: They threw it through the window."
"Oh no I got so excited that you texted me that I accidentally replied 11 thousand times and then swung into your house on a rope"
"Once there was a fire .. Once there was a fire in brothel. Some people came out running and others ran out cumming."
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