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Joke of the Day

"My only goal is to run into Steven Spielberg, beg him to let me pitch a movie, and then pretend like I don't realize I'm describing Jaws"

"What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough? ""I'm afraid that's all going to waist."""

"Reporter: My editor sent me to do the burglary. Policeman: You're too late - it's already been done."

"I refer to ""porno"" movies as ""regular"" movies not ""adult"" movies. And I refer to non-porno movies as ""Christian kids"" films."

"What do you call a capital lambda? A sheep-da"

"Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!"

"I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says ""Haha good one!"" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap"

"When my doctor told me that I am able to astral project at night... ... I was beside myself"

"So I entered a race where we had to sprint the length of a 12 inch ruler It was a foot race"

"Don't leave me alone. Alone: I have a boyfriend."